Any time I attend a game or an event in the school’s gymnasium, I am consumed by one singular thought: I want to be on a wall. As you may know, some of our varsity athletic teams have their pictures on the wall above the gym doors, printed twice as large as the athletes themselves. This doesn’t bother me. If our school wants to feature some of Fenton’s finest for all to see, that is just dandy. We should celebrate our student body! The real question is, what do I have to do to get on a wall?

Before you say, “Kelsie, just become a varsity athlete! Maybe then they will put your picture up.” I will have you know, that ship sailed a long, long time ago. My greatest athletic success to date is winning first place in a junior girls’ golfing tournament, when I was 12. Also, I am pretty sure we can chalk that up to poor addition or beginner’s luck. If when I was in 6th grade, I knew my future goals would be to get a really large picture of myself in a public space, I probably would have planned ahead a little better.

Besides athletics, you would be surprised to know that it is pretty hard to get your picture on a wall at our school. We do not really honor our academically gifted students with enlarged, narcissistic portraits of themselves in a public space. Maybe we should. I know the struggle for a class rank might be a lot more interesting if we offered that kind of incentive. Incentive other than, you know, a bright future.

Let’s take a look at some other options for me to get a picture of myself on a wall. We do not really honor musically gifted or artistically talented people with wall pictures, and if we did, I do not think I would be the first pick. In my hunt for recognition, I have noticed how unfair it is that we do not honor anybody besides athletes with pictures of themselves. It is not even about the wall, it is the bragging rights that come with it. What makes a varsity basketball player or volleyball player more important than a great artist, or a student on the honor roll?
Well, I have exhausted my options, and I think I have found a solution. I could commit some kind of crime and flee the scene, causing a need for “Wanted” posters plastered all over town. Actually, now that I think about it, infamy might be the best way to achieve my narcissistic goals. Alright, I am off to commit a major crime. Wish me luck!